September 20, 2021

New is Terrifying

I began swimming over the summer. Not because that's what you do – swim in summertime – but because I had injured myself running and wanted to exercise while not making it any worse.

The swimming part was fun. Going to the gym's pool for the first time, figuring out the locker rooms, figuring out how to find a lane and every minute aspect of etiquette – that was scary. It was made worse by the failed attempts: going to the gym to find out it was unexpectedly closed, going to the gym to find out their hours were different than posted because of COVID, going to the gym to find out there was a mermaid convention in the pool that day. But I persevered and swam and loved it.

This morning I did not go swim as normal. But at the end of the day, feeling guilty for skipping and lazy for not having taken more than 1,200 steps in the day, I decided to try to go at night. Even though every other element of the swimming experience was the same, this made it feel much harder.

Which is to say, just a little bit of newness can make something terrifying.