Josh Rachford

Subway Ads in the Year 2045

Dr. Zizmor’s Chemical Skins!
Renown dermatologist Dr. Zizmor will coat your body with skin,
repairing the burns, tumors, and lacerations. With new fresh skin
you’ll be able to stay outside for up to 20 minutes, letting the
noxious atmosphere rub against your flesh — and 4 whole minutes in
direct sunlight! Stop by and you’ll be sure to say “Xiexie, Dr.
Zizmor!”

Zoni Language Institutes: Learn Chinese!
Want to advance your career, leave the ghetto, and navigate loyalty
interrogations? Study Mandarin Chinese at Zoni. Classes every day of
the week in the dark season, and morning classes every day during the
bright season. Master will be so, so happy you decided to learn the
Master’s shuohua!

A Crowded Subway is No Place to Abandon Your Baby
No matter how worried you may be about the People’s plan to euthanize
your baby, leaving her on the train is not safe. Your baby will not be
taken to an orphanage or hospital; a cleaning crew will dispose of it.
Please do not leave your baby on the train as a method of disposing of
your baby—use marked receptacles or a size 9 envelope.

Bud Light: North American Region’s Pijiu
The best taste — the only approved taste! If you’re drinking other
pijiu you are violating sections 6.77 and 6.78 of the Substances Code!
Bud Light is made with real water! (Failure to return Bud Light
bottles will result in two years of labor reeducation.)

Visit the Museum of Approved History
Children and adults love to take shelter from the atmosphere while
learning how the North American Region became as great and perfect as
it is today. All visitors are welcome to learn how canned goods and
clothing are made by spending eleven hours practicing. The cost of
admission includes free blood drawing.

Donate Blood! The Dynamic Leader Requires it!
Feeling woozy? No? Then make a weekly stop to donate blood — it’s fun
and it’s the law! The Dynamic Leader needs your blood to keep breeding
and expanding — don’t you want him to reach the center of the Earth?

9:40 am • 14 August 2009 • 17 notes