First, schedule when you’ll wake up. If you have a meeting at 10am, try to wake up at the last possible moment you can, for example 9:44am. You can work up to this over time, pushing the wake-up time back and back and back. (Pro version: do not set an alarm. Someone will call you and tell you when you’re supposed to be at work.)
Save time in the morning by not showering, brushing your teeth, exercising, or eating breakfast. A bonus to not showering is only your true pals will be able to be around you, keeping you from wasting energy on false friends. Working out is merely using time to make yourself tired! Do you ever feel better after working out? I wouldn’t know, but I doubt it.
NEVER make your bed — you will only undo it later! Valuable seconds wasted.
If you’re not running to catch the train or speeding dangerously on your drive, you are wasting time! Being more effective means doing more in less time - so if you can do the same in less time, that is also more effective!
Keep a stash of Butterfinger™ bars in your bag. That’s a meal on the go! Still hungry? Eat another one!
Are you tired, achey, or just not feeling completely freaking perfect? Try my new solution — a 48-hour cleanse, drinking onlyDiet Coke! At first you will feel pumped up by the caffeine, but after 24 hours of not eating anything solid you’ll feel woozy and kind of sick, just like you want!
If you get bored just drinking DC from the can or bottle, freeze it in an ice cube tray and then put the cubes in a blender for a healthy, fresh, toxin-rich Diet Coke smoothie!
Let the toxins in Diet Coke push out other toxins in your body — there is only room for so many! — while the preservatives, you guessed it, preserve you! If they can make food last forever, they can make you last forever.
Be sure to use a straw so as to not stain your teeth.